The Source 5/23/2012

I happened to be having dinner with the family downtown and realized I hadn’t been back to the gym since my accident. So I ran in to say hi.

I was greeted by such warm and amazing people. Friends who wanted to know how I’ve been and how I was healing.

I love promoting the Source Climbing Gym, wearing their gear, getting people interested and in their door. They really are friendly and they care for their climbers. Personally, it felt like home. Or a home I haven’t seen lately.

Between catching up, I perused the routes. Felt chalky holds. Mentally read routes and mimed my way through it from the ground.

I just started physical therapy, so it will still be a while before I’m on the wall. But I think sport climbing will be good to get me back into it. Or at least more gentle than bouldering would be.

So until then, I’ll be patient. My new shoes will collect a bit more dust and I’ll keep thinking about getting that green light.

If you haven’t checked out the Source Climbing Center, you should. They offer a lot of classes to teach you how to use the climbing equipment safely and their staff are top of the line and some of the most amazing people I know.

Oi Vay!

I’m going to try to write this quick and without getting worked up.

Again, another break from climbing. Wasn’t the holiday craziness supposed to end and leave me with an abundance of time and energy to pursue my passions?

I’m still working 3 jobs; Best Buy, the climbing gym and coaching. Also I’ve hit the ground running, working to get at least one paid gig a month for photography of videography (that’s what I went to school for.).

So, it’s a struggle to get to the gym with any enthusiasm. I am working out with the Pole Vaulters I coach. But that’s not climbing. In fact, it’s not the kind of training I should be doing at all. Same muscles (even my hands to some degree) but wrong style of training.

Plus, I tweaked my hand. I have an ever present addiction to caffeine and continue to deprive myself of sleep. Please don’t think I’m complaining, I love what I do. That has to be the reason I’ve made it this long.

So I drag myself to the gym. Not “Hopped in the car, played loud music, got jacked, and tore the place to pieces.” No, it was a quiet ride. Mentally drained before even setting my stuff down to boot up, I say to myself, “Get your headphones on, drift away. Do some laps. You’ll wake up.” But I didn’t. I was frequently stopped by friends, all wanting to know where I had been the past few weeks. I just hope they took the look on my face for exhaustion and not exasperation.

I warm up. There is no pain in my hand, it’s just weak. It never did hurt. I swear nothing ever “hurts.” It just stops working. It takes a lot of effort not to get frustrated. Not to see the numbers clearly labeling the problems. I’m getting shut down by THAT?! I keep lowering the difficulty until finally I can fumble through it.

My feet are sloppy, heavy, uncoordinated. My mind is foggy, distant, and scattered. I begin to traverse, be productive… “I’m pumped?! I… I don’t understand.” I drop my boots and lay my back on the cold concrete. I was ready to call it a day. Pack up and retreat.

A friend, someone who has shown incredible improvement in such a short time climbing, drags me over to a new unlabeled wall and pesters me into playing on these routes until the old me starts to surface.

But just like that, the nights over. The lights are turning off and it’s time to go. “But I’m here now. Finally, I’m awake! My body and I are working together again.”

I spent the ride home thinking of fire analogies. “The embers were dimming and blah blah blah…” Fortunately, I didn’t write them. They were terrible.

I can’t fix my hand overnight. The only thing to do is be smart and get healthy. Pushing it too hard, too soon only risks making it worse and at best, staves off healing.

The next month will be a good chance to play, reacquaint myself with the wall. Hell, improve footwork (Lord knows I need it.)

Anyways, thank you for listening. I’ll keep you posted. And also, Thank you for the great comments on my last post. The response to the video was really positive and I’ve already talked to a few climbers that are looking to do a video once the weather is a bit nicer.

James Race Carr

Auto Belays, Packing for Seattle

I had this down… I was ready to write this a couple hours ago. But I wasn’t home yet! I was still running errands. So lets see if I can’t wing it.

I work at the Source Climbing Center in Vancouver Washington. You guys remember that right? I know I haven’t been yakkin’ it up on here as often as I usually do. But yeah, they haven’t fired me yet (fingers crossed! Haha) and I love that job.

Recently though, we got these really cool auto-belays hanging from the walls. If you’re unfamiliar with what an auto-belay is, it’s a thing… that… well it replaces your belay partner. That guy, who stands on the ground and has a rope and keeps you safe. Pretty ingenious device if you ask me.

However, though they’ve been up for a month now… I have yet to use them. Why’s that? I have a fear of heights. Yep. There I said it. I’m a climber/pole vaulter who’s afraid of heights.

Climbing was actually meant to be a way for me to get over that fear. I noticed early on that some of my climbing ability was hindered by these irrational pangs of anxiety that flooded my system. It’s taken a year to get confident enough in the rope, in a partner, in myself to climb up 30+’ without sheer terror stepping in.

For example I turn to this popular commercial… (sorry there’s apparently no HQ version of this…)

Anyways. I was THAT guy.

So, I say to myself. I’m going to do this. I got this. It’s just climbing… with a mild plunge when you let go as the system catches you and begins lowering slowly. I have a friend texting me moral support. My boss says to me “oh yeah, it gets a little weird after 14’ don't panic... that's normal.” Such a joker, that guy… cuz I’m a boulderer… I supposedly don’t know what to do.

I’ll start on this 5.9 no biggie. The holds and everything won’t be an issue, I can just get up the wall and check out the system. Except it’s so easy, I have all this time to think about “what if it doesn’t catch me… and I die.” Or “what if does catch me, but not enough… and I break my legs?” my climbing goes down the toilet. I’m now feeling those panicky feelings again.

Still climbing below my aenorobic threshold. I get to the top. Sloppy send. I hang. “Just let go.” “No. I can hang here all day.” It’s a lie. My sharp shallow breaths are strangling me. I’ll choke and pump out in 45 seconds… 60 if I’m lucky. I look down. A couple people are staring at me. Yes… I do work here, leave me alone. I’m just doing my thing.

I come up with the brilliant strategy of lower down a few holds, the device will know I’m descending and catch me… I can skip that dangerous 3’ drop. Nope… silly James, it’s still waiting to catch you. Ok fine. I let go and plummet “OH NO! Oh crap! Oh wait… we’re good…” the whirring is there. I’m white knuckled and gripping the nylon cable that’s lowering me gently to the ground. You panicked over this? Do it again. But on a harder route.

I did a 5.10 and was fine until I hit the top and then again found myself saying “nope… can’t make me.” from somewhere down below “you have to let go. Lose control!” that is horrible advice! Oops, I slipped. Down I go… safe and sound. All in one piece.

Physically I’m fine, but mentally I’m incredibly rattled. I am not a fan of this device… but you know what that means? Uno mas! …Fine… the last route on the auto belay is a 5.10+ I begin to chug up it. Making myself take deep breaths to stave off that pump I didn’t finish recovering from. My body is quivering. Am I pumping out, or is it my nerves? I don’t know. Shut up and climb. I do. I get to the top. Hanging from the slightly over hung false rock I look down, all clear. Release. That thing caught me again.

But I swear I fall just long enough to think “maybe this it. Maybe it’s not going too…” and I land on the ground. I want so bad to be better at sport climbing. But until I can get over this crippling, nauseating fear… I’ll never reach my potential.

I spent the next few minutes looking at the veins popping out of my arms. Waiting for my stomach to release it’s knots. My hands are slightly stuck, I over gripped the entire route. Woops.

Just a heads up. I may start vlogging about my climbing. Just for giggles of course. :) we’ll see.

So, now I’m packing for Seattle. I’m taking the train. I’m hoping this will settle my wanderlust. I haven’t had the excuse to really practice minimalism on a trip yet. Not like I’d hoped… every time I had my car, I always seemed to need just one or five more things. But I’m taking the train. Something I love doing… and this is the perfect excuse to pack light. So light, I feel like my camera needs to stay home.

My goal, is one bag. Probably that goofy Olive Drab green one I got from a military surplus store. It’ll have plenty of space to carry stuff and it’s super comfy to wear for long periods of time. Which will be nice, since I’ll be spending some of this trip running around town.

Ok here’s my pack… there’s still a few things missing. Like my toiletries, and my clothes that are in the laundry… basically socks and pants. You know, the essentials.

So lets take a look at this picture…

We’ll start in the upper left and then I’ll move across the top.

Socks and underwear.

Camera bag and camera… I ditched some of the gear thinking I might just get away with bringing that and all my stuff inside it. I’m not thinking that’ll work.

My awesome hat. It’s awesome.

Arc’teryx s240 sport harness. Not likely I’ll get to use it… but it takes up so little room, and given the chance I want to use it. I really should leave this at home, the ATC is hiding underneath it.

My shoes. I’ll be wearing these. They won’t be packed.

My kindle. I love reading… this thing is a library without the bulk. It goes.

Melatonin… so I can sleep :) 1 or 2x3mg a night.

T-shirts. My pants would be next to them… they’re in the wash.

Prana chalk bag.

La Sportiva Pythons size 7.5… for my impish little feet.

My monstrous bag. This held nearly 75 lbs of clothes when I went to AUS. It’s a behemoth. I really think I could pack my camera bag inside this bag… but that would be redundant.

The white bag is actually an xbox 360, with cables and games. It’s not mine… my friend Bryan left it in Vancouver and asked me to pack it and bring it with me. if it weren’t for this, I could totally use a little back pack to take everything with me. Yeah, Bryan, Guilt trip laid.

A xbox 360 controller… because I’m going to probably at some point play games. Haha it’s also because house rules dictate guests get the crappy controller.

And lastly… 2 silver bullets (for staving off weariness and werewolves.) mountain dew (never know… Seattle could have a shortage) and power bars. Why did I buy so many?! If you can’t tell… there’s 8 there.

Seriously? Did you really just read a list of the things I’m packing and taking with me on this trip? Weirdo… haha but seriously… that’s kind of weird. Good thing I didn’t pack anything I should be embarrassed about.

This trip is serving as my winter break. I worked 70 hours a week between my three jobs for almost 2 months straight (I missed a few days from illness) and so I wanted to get out of town and just see some friends I don’t normally see. This weekend will be extra awesome because the University of Washington is hosting a track meet at the indoor Dempsey Stadium and many familiar faces will be competing. And shortly after that, ABS divisional championships will be held at the Seattle Bouldering Project.

It’s going to be a very fast paced and restless weekend. But I don’t think I’d have it any other way. ;)

Expect some blogging/vlogging along the way.

James

P.S. Check out my friend Kyle’s blog and show him some support. If you’re familiar with the Ninjas Doing Mundane Things, he’s the other ninja and also the guy that got me climbing… he’s one of the people I’ll be spending the weekend with.

Take care guys and I want you to know that I’ve been rocking the soundtrack for the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time while writing this.

Nearing the Years End

I keep jotting down notes on things I’m going to blog about. The things that have happened. That I’ve learned. That I think you’ll find interesting. But I’ve spent so little time at home these past few weeks that I really am here to sit, sleep and shower. But I’ll try to do a quick post and maybe come back and go more in depth.

I competed in the Portland Boulder Rally at the Circuit climbing gym. If you remember, I competed in a black light competition during Halloween. And I did awful. Be it rest, being over zealous, or possibly just not enough forethought going into a route… I did really bad. However, this time I came in rested. Freezing cold (lost feeling in my feet and fell off the early problems because I couldn’t tell how I was on the holds), but completely calm.

I went nuts. After that initial folly on a couple fours I was finally warm. I slowed my pace way down (about 6 or 7 minutes between attempts, and 10-12 minutes between each problem). I flashed the next five problems ranging between 510 and 630 points (supposedly that's v5-v6). I realized I should have climbed stuff a little bit harder. I do think some of my success was intentionally watching a route, which gave me beta, but also allowed me to pick problems well suited to my style of climbing. …which means all of them were dynamic and overhang. I was in heaven. No crimps in sight.

I definitely should have set my sites a little higher though. I had a blast. Won a couple hats and quick draws. The end. It took me a while to recover from that. To which then I got ill. Again. More vitamin C!

I don’t remember if I talked about setting my first routes. They weren’t mind blowing by any means. But they were fun. I had a good time doing it and really felt like I was playing with Lego’s. but for adults. I’m really excited to get back in and work on some more, but I know I won’t have any time, probably until after new years.

Umm… my boss from the Source found this blog. There was this split second of panic somewhere between “hey, so I saw your blog…” and “we should talk.” That I was like “aww crap… I didn’t say anything that’s gonna get me in trouble did i?” I didn’t. in fact, Michael was really cool, as he always seems to be. Still. I’ll probably be a little hesitant when posting. Haha

But in all seriousness (and not in any way related to the fact that my bosses might see this.): it’s awesome to go in and pick their brains. Michael and Hans. They’ve humbled me a few times and constantly remind me that I’ve got so much to learn. And I’m down with getting reminded I’m new…ish. I’m always ready to be humbled and remember I’ve got a long road ahead of me before I’ll meet my goal of a v10. And this all helps lay the foundation that will not just get me there, but beyond.

I’ve decided atleast through the rest of the holidays that I’m going to focus more on just getting time in on the wall. “training” is nearly impossible right now. And I think just getting my hands torn up and pushing through the exhaustion will be training enough. I’ve been to one of the gyms 5 times in the last 4 days. My hands are raw, and my body’s tired. But I can really feel myself getting mentally strong. Even though my body is trying to fail, feeling myself push through and strive for good footwork and still breathing, while not panicking is such a powerful feeling.

I believe the body follows the brain. Therefore I need to train my brain to stay calm and focused. I’m going to end this pretty quick and so I’ll leave you with this, one of my favorite quotes.

"Beyond the very extreme fatigue and distress, we may find amounts of ease and power we never dreamed ourselves to own; sources of strength never taxed at all because we never pushed through the obstruction." -William James

Sport Climbing? It Ain’t No Thang.

That? Is a bald faced lie. In fact it really consists of one of my biggest athletic weaknesses. Endurance. And so I typically avoid long and grueling routes simply because I know it’s not my favorite way of playing. But it is challenging and so the allure is there… somewhere. Underneath a weakening fear of heights and growing passion for any and all things vertical, I find myself wanting to get use out of this sick harness I own.

Today, at the Source Climbing Center… (You know, the one I work at) I was asked to shoot some stuff to post on the website (and write my bio… crap! Forgot to do that. HaHa… kind of.) and one of the angles Michael (one of the owners) proposed was from behind one of the walls. No big deal… Oh wait, that means I climb up there? Fu…n times.

So as were climbing up this semi-sketchy rung ladder steadily fastened between steel frames and welding, Michael turns to me and says “three points of contact. How’re you doing?” “no worries.” I felt fine. It was dark and I can’t see real well so I was going mostly by feel. This was good because it kept me from thinking about the 35 foot fall I’d take if I slipped. I also missed thinking about the bouncing on said steel, that would be the only thing slowing my descent.

I didn’t think about it until we climbed to the top where the ladder stops and I have to hoist myself up to the edge and peek over the peak (see what I did there?). I’m hanging on to the finals bits of metal and even as I write this I feel my palms getting sweaty. It was also at this point I looked all the way down and felt pangs on panic creep in.

But I didn’t lose it. I was fine. In control. The fear was there, but it didn’t cripple me. If anything it helped me to keep focus on my balance and everything my body told me to make sure I stayed right where I was. And eventually as I climbed back down (feeling quite a gnarly pump as I overgripped the rungs) I thought “how could would it be to GoPro this?” I didn’t go back up. But next time…

Ok, so now my shift is over and Michael says the crew is invited back to climb after hours. I was in serious need of a nap after the hell that was last week and this holiday weekend. So a short nap and I’m recharged and ready to go. The goal was just to get on the ropes and see what I do. Michael had other plans.

First thing he says, is of course, “hey” and then it’s followed by “Know how to lead climb? Wanna learn?”

One of my goals is to climb 5.12 Lead. Setting a date to accomplish this goal by is difficult knowing very little about this style of climbing and how my body will react. So I’m holding off on that.

We went through clipping and I went up some 5.9’s trying to remember not to back clip, to breath, to keep form and focus on my technique as my mind fell to fatigue. I know I’m fine on harder routes when top roping… but that stupid clipping tripped me up haha. It took me a second route to get it, before I felt comfortable and wanted to go faster.

The final test of the night was Michael and Matt (fellow coworker) we’re going to project a 5.12. I think to myself, “Awesome, I can get some kind of clue as to how difficult this goal might be to achieve.” But it was then made apparent that I was going to attempt the route and unclip on the way up to the top. I had no expectation as to what I might do personally… but I was game. What’s the worst that could happen?

I hop on and the holds were nice. The moves were solid and flowing. This actually felt better than the 5.9’s that I had been doing. At no point did I get cocky though. Nor did I feel like it was out of my range. I made it quite a ways with a rest but suddenly I realized I was blown out. My tank was empty and I was toast. My forearms were pumped.

“Breath James!” “I’m Trying!” Too late. Well passed the anaerobic threshold, I went after this like it was a boulder route. I still had at LEAST 15’ to go. And that’s probably conservative. I rested, shook it out. Heard some laughs and very awesome cheers to push me further. I made a few more moves but my muscles were now in the moments that precede muscle failure. I tried to rest and get back on but I knew what I had done and the deficit I’d created. This is what training would stave off. Like Butt lock in the 400m dash, I was toast. The only difference is you can waddle across the finish line with butt lock. You can’t shimmy up a wall when your arms are that far gone.

Oh well. It was a good taste of things to come. I’m excited. The fears there, but it’s making me smarter, not hesitant. And that’s part of why I started climbing in the first place… isn’t it?

Goodnight :)

James