I had this down… I was ready to write this a couple hours ago. But I wasn’t home yet! I was still running errands. So lets see if I can’t wing it.
I work at the Source Climbing Center in Vancouver Washington. You guys remember that right? I know I haven’t been yakkin’ it up on here as often as I usually do. But yeah, they haven’t fired me yet (fingers crossed! Haha) and I love that job.
Recently though, we got these really cool auto-belays hanging from the walls. If you’re unfamiliar with what an auto-belay is, it’s a thing… that… well it replaces your belay partner. That guy, who stands on the ground and has a rope and keeps you safe. Pretty ingenious device if you ask me.
However, though they’ve been up for a month now… I have yet to use them. Why’s that? I have a fear of heights. Yep. There I said it. I’m a climber/pole vaulter who’s afraid of heights.
Climbing was actually meant to be a way for me to get over that fear. I noticed early on that some of my climbing ability was hindered by these irrational pangs of anxiety that flooded my system. It’s taken a year to get confident enough in the rope, in a partner, in myself to climb up 30+’ without sheer terror stepping in.
For example I turn to this popular commercial… (sorry there’s apparently no HQ version of this…)
Anyways. I was THAT guy.
So, I say to myself. I’m going to do this. I got this. It’s just climbing… with a mild plunge when you let go as the system catches you and begins lowering slowly. I have a friend texting me moral support. My boss says to me “oh yeah, it gets a little weird after 14’ don't panic... that's normal.” Such a joker, that guy… cuz I’m a boulderer… I supposedly don’t know what to do.
I’ll start on this 5.9 no biggie. The holds and everything won’t be an issue, I can just get up the wall and check out the system. Except it’s so easy, I have all this time to think about “what if it doesn’t catch me… and I die.” Or “what if does catch me, but not enough… and I break my legs?” my climbing goes down the toilet. I’m now feeling those panicky feelings again.
Still climbing below my aenorobic threshold. I get to the top. Sloppy send. I hang. “Just let go.” “No. I can hang here all day.” It’s a lie. My sharp shallow breaths are strangling me. I’ll choke and pump out in 45 seconds… 60 if I’m lucky. I look down. A couple people are staring at me. Yes… I do work here, leave me alone. I’m just doing my thing.
I come up with the brilliant strategy of lower down a few holds, the device will know I’m descending and catch me… I can skip that dangerous 3’ drop. Nope… silly James, it’s still waiting to catch you. Ok fine. I let go and plummet “OH NO! Oh crap! Oh wait… we’re good…” the whirring is there. I’m white knuckled and gripping the nylon cable that’s lowering me gently to the ground. You panicked over this? Do it again. But on a harder route.
I did a 5.10 and was fine until I hit the top and then again found myself saying “nope… can’t make me.” from somewhere down below “you have to let go. Lose control!” that is horrible advice! Oops, I slipped. Down I go… safe and sound. All in one piece.
Physically I’m fine, but mentally I’m incredibly rattled. I am not a fan of this device… but you know what that means? Uno mas! …Fine… the last route on the auto belay is a 5.10+ I begin to chug up it. Making myself take deep breaths to stave off that pump I didn’t finish recovering from. My body is quivering. Am I pumping out, or is it my nerves? I don’t know. Shut up and climb. I do. I get to the top. Hanging from the slightly over hung false rock I look down, all clear. Release. That thing caught me again.
But I swear I fall just long enough to think “maybe this it. Maybe it’s not going too…” and I land on the ground. I want so bad to be better at sport climbing. But until I can get over this crippling, nauseating fear… I’ll never reach my potential.
I spent the next few minutes looking at the veins popping out of my arms. Waiting for my stomach to release it’s knots. My hands are slightly stuck, I over gripped the entire route. Woops.
Just a heads up. I may start vlogging about my climbing. Just for giggles of course. :) we’ll see.
So, now I’m packing for Seattle. I’m taking the train. I’m hoping this will settle my wanderlust. I haven’t had the excuse to really practice minimalism on a trip yet. Not like I’d hoped… every time I had my car, I always seemed to need just one or five more things. But I’m taking the train. Something I love doing… and this is the perfect excuse to pack light. So light, I feel like my camera needs to stay home.
My goal, is one bag. Probably that goofy Olive Drab green one I got from a military surplus store. It’ll have plenty of space to carry stuff and it’s super comfy to wear for long periods of time. Which will be nice, since I’ll be spending some of this trip running around town.
Ok here’s my pack… there’s still a few things missing. Like my toiletries, and my clothes that are in the laundry… basically socks and pants. You know, the essentials.
So lets take a look at this picture…
We’ll start in the upper left and then I’ll move across the top.
Socks and underwear.
Camera bag and camera… I ditched some of the gear thinking I might just get away with bringing that and all my stuff inside it. I’m not thinking that’ll work.
My awesome hat. It’s awesome.
Arc’teryx s240 sport harness. Not likely I’ll get to use it… but it takes up so little room, and given the chance I want to use it. I really should leave this at home, the ATC is hiding underneath it.
My shoes. I’ll be wearing these. They won’t be packed.
My kindle. I love reading… this thing is a library without the bulk. It goes.
Melatonin… so I can sleep :) 1 or 2x3mg a night.
T-shirts. My pants would be next to them… they’re in the wash.
Prana chalk bag.
La Sportiva Pythons size 7.5… for my impish little feet.
My monstrous bag. This held nearly 75 lbs of clothes when I went to AUS. It’s a behemoth. I really think I could pack my camera bag inside this bag… but that would be redundant.
The white bag is actually an xbox 360, with cables and games. It’s not mine… my friend Bryan left it in Vancouver and asked me to pack it and bring it with me. if it weren’t for this, I could totally use a little back pack to take everything with me. Yeah, Bryan, Guilt trip laid.
A xbox 360 controller… because I’m going to probably at some point play games. Haha it’s also because house rules dictate guests get the crappy controller.
And lastly… 2 silver bullets (for staving off weariness and werewolves.) mountain dew (never know… Seattle could have a shortage) and power bars. Why did I buy so many?! If you can’t tell… there’s 8 there.
Seriously? Did you really just read a list of the things I’m packing and taking with me on this trip? Weirdo… haha but seriously… that’s kind of weird. Good thing I didn’t pack anything I should be embarrassed about.
This trip is serving as my winter break. I worked 70 hours a week between my three jobs for almost 2 months straight (I missed a few days from illness) and so I wanted to get out of town and just see some friends I don’t normally see. This weekend will be extra awesome because the University of Washington is hosting a track meet at the indoor Dempsey Stadium and many familiar faces will be competing. And shortly after that, ABS divisional championships will be held at the Seattle Bouldering Project.
It’s going to be a very fast paced and restless weekend. But I don’t think I’d have it any other way. ;)
Expect some blogging/vlogging along the way.
James
P.S. Check out my friend Kyle’s blog and show him some support. If you’re familiar with the Ninjas Doing Mundane Things, he’s the other ninja and also the guy that got me climbing… he’s one of the people I’ll be spending the weekend with.
Nice!!! :D
ReplyDeleteSuper happy for you! Have fun and take lots of pictures with the iphone!